I grew up in the late 60's happy as can be in rural Venezuela.  Highly creative, sensitive and precocious youngest of 5.  I taught myself how to read and devoured every book I could find. I paid attention and learned how to play several musical instruments and many forms of art - mastered them all.  I had my first business in 4th grade. I loved school and excelled at it. 

 

.I had a huge magical inner world and was deeply connected with it

 

But then, something happened.  And then, something else happened. Again, and again. I was completely unaware then, but as I grew up, my happy magical inner world started to feel off, and so wrong. 

 

So if what felt so incredibly amazing inside of me was wrong, that must have meant that… I was wrong, a mistake. And if I was that bad, I couldnt deserve anything.  No love, no connection, nothing.  I did not deserve to exist. 

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Utterly confused, scared and desperate, this 8,10 and 12-year old me just went on trying to be "better than good", numbing out, denying her feelings, for sure disconnecting from her "wrong" true nature to hide how "awful she truly was". This all stayed deep in my subconscious, running my life.  

 

(...Can you see the huge problem here?!... perhaps you can relate)

 

Even though once I grew up I consciously knew I wasn't bad and had gifts to share, in the battle between logic and emotion, emotion always wins.  And up until early 2021, it didn't matter if I had it all - the money, love, career, appreciation - or was alone, sick, a single mom filled with shame on the brink of homelessness, or anywhere in between.  I had always been chronically unhappy, disconnected from my joy, filled with self-loathing. I could not understand why I felt so off.  For sure I had to be a mistake, so

 

 I learned to pack my wrongness real good and deep,

and navigated life through that incredibly painful,

tragic lens that no one on the outside would have ever guessed​.

...a totally unnecessary grim reality for so many...

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Until I received a wake up call. All within 1 month, I became an empty nester, my mom moved in with me pretty permanently, I lost 50% of my income while recovering from a work injury, lost my health insurance and menopause began to knock at my door.  At this point I was DONE with wake up calls and stopped hitting the snooze button

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Now, 4 decades and three divorces later, unconsciously validating my "wrongness" over and over again, switching social settings, holding on to spirituality threads, zillion hours of therapy and self-growth workshops, moving countries, relationships, schools and careers through the years from artist wannabe, to economy student, to ESL instructor, to flight attendant, to graphics designer, to gym owner/fitness trainer, to holistic health and nutrition professional, speaker & best-seller writer, retail employee, Uber driver, WFPS Chef.

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And now, RTT® Therapist

 

For the first time in my entire life, I feel that I have arrived

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Thanks a million times to the life-changing work I have experienced with RTT® as a client, student and now as a Therapist I have been able to identify when and how this entire mess came about, and have since shattered those beliefs that shaped a life of doom

 

I am now deeply reconnected with my magical inner world, in total peace with my true creative nature and my voice. I have healed and continue to hold safe loving space for my inner child.  She belongs in my world, safe and loved being perfectly her. 

 

The harsh critical inner chatter is gone! And when it tries to come back I know how to navigate it out of my mind efficiently, while having deep self-compassion through the process.

 

Because of this, I have so much renewed brain capacity, energy and trust in my decisions. I had not experienced this level of consistent happiness, playfulness, gratitude, serenity and freedom in all of my adult life.