
Have you ever found yourself in the quiet of the night while the world sleeps, and felt your soul cry out with determination: “this stops with me!!”?
The old cycles of scarcity, "not enoughness," and paralyzing limitations - passed down from previous generations and shaped by the shadows of our younger years - have become deeply embedded in our personal and collective nervous systems. Driving us to unconsciously replay an outdated script, affecting not only our own lives but also the lives of our children, and our children's children, unless we stop it.
WE KNOW WE ARE DONE. BUT...
We feel it in our bones. We also get that, whether or not we have children, we are doing far more than raising families—we’re cultivating legacies, birthing movements, and shaping the New World our ancestors once dreamed of. We’ve made strides, yeah, and we have so much more to create. This is a mission of epic proportions, of sacred responsibility. But as we begin to wake up to the magnitude of the vision, and gather strength to conquer it, we often find ourselves face-to-face with something deeper and much stronger, that influences everything - those inner voices of fear whispering old stories, clouding our ability to be the true agents of change we are here to be. And, they are getting away with murder, unless we do something different.
In the book Power vs Force, David Hawkins indicates a compelling difference between two sources of strength: true power rooted in love and integrity, and force which stems from fear and control.
Let’s just breathe that in for a moment.
Love and integrity, versus fear and control.
The question is, which one tends to run our show? And, what happens because of that?
TWO INNER CHARACTERS: THE CONTROLLER AND THE HYPER ACHIEVER
Shirzad Chamine, in his mental fitness program Positive Intelligence (PQ), has identified 9 main saboteurs. Im gonna focus on two that I have found most common in my work with purpose-driven individuals.
The Controller, that relentless micro manager that tells you, “Grip tighter, push harder, or it will all fall apart.” This saboteur makes us believe that if we let go for even a moment, the world will crumble. One personal example, my Controller became the "healthy-food police" of my very picky eater child. I can not tell you how much quality of life, bonding and memories I ruined during my daughter Sabrina’s younger years. It was exhausting, traumatizing and frankly, totally ridiculous.
The Hyper-Achiever, on the other hand, is that slick inner voice that equates your worth with your productivity. “You’re only as good as your latest accomplishment,” it says, enticing you to chase an ever-moving target. For visionaries, this one can hit hard. After all, isn’t the goal to achieve freedom, peace, and the healing of generational wounds to save our legacy? I have been on that Hyper-Achiever's treadmill way too many times, where no milestone is ever enough. Last year, this saboteur sent me crashing into physical burnout, quickly spiraling into a health crisis, thanks to my Hyper-Achiever’s obsession with fixing everything "by yesterday", completely ignoring the fact that my body was on her own healing timeline.
THE COST OF STRIVING FOR PERFECTION
These saboteurs aren’t just nuisances—they’re professional sneaky thieves. They rob us of joy, presence, true connection, and the ability to trust in ourselves and the process. They keep us stuck in cycles of judgment, overwork, self-doubt, isolation, exactly the patterns we’re striving to overcome.
However, at the core, these and all other saboteur responses think they are helping us. In the example of my "healthy-food police" persona, that part of me believed that I needed to push (more like, torment) my daughter to eat my way, otherwise she wasn't going to be healthy. And if she wasn't healthy, she and I were gonna suffer, and my value as a giving caring mother was gonna be destroyed. Can you see how the Controller in me created precisely what it was intending to avoid? It is pretty crazy but also quite fascinating to discover how this plays out, where these patterns come from and why. And one of the most unrecognized damaging effects of these behaviors, is that they trigger other people’s saboteurs!
Again, we know we are done with the old patterns. We know what to do. Yet, we can't really do it.
Thomas Hübl’s Transparent Communication model offers great wisdom here, teaching us to engage authentically in any life circumstance, slowing down and embracing what arises in us, as an opportunity to recognize patterns within ourselves for healing. Being able to achieve this while the inner voice screams "there's no time!!" requires courage, guidance, practice, and a great dose of self-empathy. When we are held through this process, we learn to show up without judgment or wishing things were different. We get greater access to inner resources that help ease knee jerk reactions, develop acceptance when needed, or a simple “I don’t know, but I’m here” with peace and curiosity.
ANCHORING LOVE: THE SAGE'S PATH
Recognizing these patterns in ourselves is the first step towards learning to neutralize the energy that propels them. Positive Intelligence offers powerful mental fitness strategies to move away from habitual forceful responses, and activate our innate Sage response — the creative, deeply intelligent and compassionate part of us that sees the bigger picture, has capacity for empathy, and trusts how to navigate and explore the process. The Sage doesn’t micromanage; it collaborates. It doesn’t measure worth in accomplishments; it sees value in being. And most importantly, it doesn’t just build legacies—it nurtures them.
The Sage whispers:
“What if this could be easier?”
“What if you are already worthy?”
“What if everybody is doing exactly what they are supposed to do?”
“What is the golden opportunity here?”
These are not just comforting ideas—they’re transformational. Because when we release the grip of the Controller, step off the Hyper-Achiever’s treadmill, and neutralize any other saboteur pattern like people pleasing, judging or victim mentality, we make space for something so profound that transcends the perception of our minds: authentic connection and belonging. With our children, our communities, our causes and most importantly, with ourselves.
BUILDING LEGACIES STARTS NOW
We have a tremendous opportunity to get ourselves and everyone else off the hook, and stop expecting things to be or unfold a certain way, or attach our value to our ability to juggle a thousand spinning plates. Instead, let’s shift towards showing up as we are — curious, visionary, imperfect — and embrace the truth that our presence, rooted in authenticity, is enough.
The legacy you’re creating isn’t some far-off goal; it’s right in your heart, and it comes alive in every moment you choose what love would choose. It’s in the way you pause to breathe through frustration and make a more aligned choice, in the way you celebrate progress and growth over perfection, in the way you give yourself and others grace in the face of challenges. It’s in the way you remember we are all on this wild ride together, and we don’t know the stories others are silently carrying.
Our children are paying attention, Our children are learning how to human through us. Even if it’s only you and I, let’s show them that It starts with love.
It is Love that gives us the courage to rewrite the script for ourselves, write a new chapter for those who come after us, and heal the story that came before us. The old stops with us. The renewal starts with love. And that, dear friend, is how we create meaningful change in the world.
Did this spark something in you? Share in the comments below!
With warmth,
Claudia

Claudia Castillo Holley
Catalyst of Positive Change
Curious about your saboteurs? Book a Saboteur Discovery Session and have access to a revealing Saboteur Assessment and Evaluation
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