Saying YES to commitments, people, activities, even food,
when you really wanna say NO
Or saying no to your needs, desires, wants, support,
when you really want to say yes…
Why is this madness so real for so many?!
Well, this is one of the many ways
when self doubt shows up and rules life
The good news is that
no one is born with destructive self doubt
Even better news,
you have the best antidote to self doubt,
built in within you.
You were born with it!
It is called
Look at little babies,
they come to this world
fully self expressed,
knowing they are worthy of support,
love and protection,
and having their needs met
But something happened along the way and
that little child learned things about themselves and life
that just aren’t true,
and this built a subconscious programing they identified with
to stay connected, safe and away from pain
in the only way they knew then to survive.
Most times, this caused a big disconnect from their inner guidance.
Self trust didn’t go away.
It got buried underneath the new misaligned identity
(And it screams every time you say YES when you really wanna say No)
So here's the thing,
self doubt (or lack of confidence, feeling unworthy, not enough, etc etc)
really showed up to help you
(I know it sounds crazy but that is what it thinks it's doing)
showing up in so many ways, like
hopelessness, anxiety, panic,
or shame and guilt for doing/not doing
insomnia, picking fights, blaming
or avoiding conflict, unable to speak up
causing shut down and isolation
Is your heart pounding?…do you relate?
how else is self doubt showing up for you,
robbing you of your great life?
(Keep reading to learn a simple practice
to eradicate it and reconnect to your inner guidance)
So, if self trust is underneath all of this
Let’s dig it up and clear the way for it to be available
To give you back
Self love, self compassion
Your excellent coping skills
Clear thinking and vision
Powerful decision making
Self expression - your voice back!
Owning your light and inspiration
The ability to achieve your dreams, goals and desires
A life worth living!
Want some of that in any area of your life?
Below is a practice to eradicate self doubt
and reclaim innate SELF TRUST a.s.a.p. please!
Find a quiet private space for this one,
where you can spend time reflecting and journaling.
Then follow the next steps:
1.- Connect to how destructive self doubt is showing up in your life. Then, recognize it as a part of you that thinks it benefits you. I know it sounds crazy, but all challenges we experience today came as a solution our younger self needed at a time it didn't know better.
2.- Identify that benefit, for example: Self doubt keeps me in “people pleaser” mode because others’ needs matter more than my own. Because it is not safe, or it is too scary to have my own needs. In the past, asking for what I need got me in trouble, and I learned that my needs dont matter. It is less painful to pretend I don't have any needs, disconnect from them, and instead care for everyone else's. This keeps the peace, and it keeps me safe, out of trouble.
(This has been a pattern I see often in clients when doing RTT)
3.- Look at this apparent benefit with your adult awareness, to gain a more accurate perspective. For instance, you know that expressing your needs, saying NO to what doesn't serve you, is not only critical for any human being, it actually keeps you and your integrity safe. Not the other way around.
4.- Locate a time in your childhood when you might have created this belief, which you know now it doesn't serve you anymore. In the example above, think of a time or a series of events when you had to believe that expressing your needs was a threat to your connection, survival, when it caused you pain. So your younger you decided to shut down their needs and contort to others’ agenda for safety or connection.
5.- Acknowledge and honor that little you with love and compassion. That was a very intelligent move back then! Then, say to yourself “that child is not me anymore”, I am a grown up now and I don't need to believe that anymore.
6.- List all the reasons why that little child is not you anymore, including all the things about you and having your needs met that you can trust today. Even if it is “I trust I wake up every day and air is available for me to breathe and survive”
7.- Your mind learns by repetition, so create a list of affirmations that are in alignment with your truth, and repeat them often:
"My needs matter"
"It is safe to express my desires, needs and wants"
"When I say no to something I dont like, I say YES to ME"
"I love myself" "I respect myself"
"It is an honor to care for my needs"
"I deserve to receive support"
"When my needs are met, I am the best version of myself"
"I deserve to be the best version of myself"
"The world benefits from me being the best version of myself"
At this point, you are moving into your own wavelength of self love, self reliance, self trust… Feel yourself ignited by this truth, let your wisdom carry you to your next level of full potential in life, in your career, in your relationships… tap into that vision, knowing that if you can see it in your mind and feel it in your heart, you can make it happen.
What else is true for you? Let it flow, write it down, sing it out, dance it away.
THIS is the real you. And it is the best thing that ever happened to you.
And if you feel you need support in this process, I am always available, fully believing in you and your ability to reclaim your truth completely.
Sending big love and grace, always