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When the heart says no, but the mind says you have to

Updated: Apr 30

Demystifying inner conflict and finding wisdom in the overwhelm.

When you prioritize overtime at work even though you really want to tuck your kids into bed, kiss them good night, and remind them they are loved and safe.

When you diet and exercise excessively, almost to the point of punishing your body, even though you really want to care for it from a place of love and acceptance.

When you stay silent in conversations even though you’re dying to stand for what is true for you.

Why do we so frequently experience inner conflict, when deep inside we know better?

Our hearts crave genuine connection, safety, and authentic expression, yet our minds compel us to keep pushing forward relentlessly, often disregarding the honest longing of the heart. So, we not only bypass our needs, desires and the belief that we deserve them to be fulfilled. We shut it all down...

The tug-of-war

This becomes a tug-of-war between our innate wisdom and societal expectations. Between our true needs and desires, and the obligations we’ve been conditioned with. Between what we know is in our Highest good, and what we think we should do instead.  So many silent inner battles we endure day in and day out. No wonder we're plagued with stress, overwhelm, anxiety and overthinking.

This draining inner chaos takes a toll on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being, leaving us disconnected from our greatest coping skills, our true voice and our vision in life. It's like trying to navigate through a stormy sea without a compass and broken sails – we feel lost, adrift, ill quipped and overwhelmed by the tumultuous waves and whirlwinds of our own thoughts and emotions. And as much as we strive to move away from them, they impact our behaviors, actions and choices, having a negative effect in our life, our relationships, money, career, and mostly our health.

And the cycle continues perpetuating the inner storm. However, unlike that voice inside that says "it will always be this way", there are strategies to navigate through and out of this mayhem, and feel empowered by it instead.

Are both sides right?

When the heart and mind disagree, it creates a massive dissonance within ourselves, completely dysregulating our nervous system.  However, what if this is coming as a result of an outdated mechanism, developed by a very wise part of ourselves to keep us safe, protected and away from pain? What if there is a part of us that believes very deep inside that it is not safe to be fully self expressed, successful, and have our needs met? What if, any heart longing for fulfillment, fun and love has wrongly become a threat to our safety?

And lastly, what if, both sides of the inner conflict have your best interest in mind?

I see this kind of inner confusion in my RTT therapy clients all the time. And although we often discover it got seeded very early on in life, it is always possible to remove it from the root, and heal it for good. Then, both the heart and the mind can easily rewire their greatest capacity to keep us safe, free, self expressed and fully alive, in a way that is coherent and aligned with intentional growth, and with the life we desire to bring to reality.

The gift of being with it all

Now, before you continue to struggle against the inner chaos, what if you pause, take a breath, and give yourself permission to be with the uncomfortable, raw and real emotions? Simply acknowledging them, feeling them, without wishing they weren't there?

Imagine them as a valuable signal, much like the oil warning light in your dashboard. As inconvenient as it is, you wouldn't ignore that indicator. You know too well what could happen if you do. So you would take the steps to address it. Similarly, you can acknowledge the warning your inner turmoil is offering, notice what you really need in the moment, and proactively take care of yourself, so you can restore balance and flow through anything more connected to your inner guidance, self reliance and strength.

I know you might be thinking this is only a romantic idea, but, just for a moment, think about the last time you held space for yourself. A time you allowed yourself to just be, without having to be this way or that way, but just BE.

If you haven't done that in a while, and have been feeling stuck, experiencing overwhelm, overcommitting, overload, then consider this your indicator light.

What inner treasures can you find in this place within yourself, when you just BE?

And, what can you envision and create from here, to fire up your authentic expression and heart's desires?

Ok, so, you got the inner warning light going, perhaps for way too long. You're giving yourself a moment to feel it all, to be exactly as you are. Now what? How can you find what you need to reclaim a sense of direction, purpose, and agency in life?

Here are three steps:

1.- The first step is AWARENESS.

By recognizing the patterns of inner conflict in our lives – the moments when our heart and mind are at odds – we can begin to unravel the tangled web of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that fuel our distress.

Do you see any repeated habits of thoughts, behavior and action? Can you see the correlation to how they influence the events around you?

2.- Next, give yourself so much GRACE dear one…

Cultivating self-compassion and self-acceptance, instead of judging ourselves for feeling conflicted or overwhelmed, or even being unable to fully accept ourselves, can offer deep healing in times of stress.  You can take it a step further into recognizing that inner conflict is a natural part of the human experience, to discover more about your true needs as well as your true potential.

3.- MINDFULNESS PRACTICES offer a powerful antidote to inner conflict by helping us cultivate presence and acceptance at any moment. They soften the edge of deep seated limiting beliefs and allow access to clarity, perspectives, solutions and even support we couldn't see before. Just a simple intentional breath, hand on your chest with an "I am here now", can offer much relief and self regulation. Through meditation, deep breathing exercises, and body scan practices, we can anchor ourselves in the here and now, softening the grip of the past regrets and future worries.

Now, the most powerful mindfulness practice I have found is to remember


Everything else is a story

And if you are caught up in life-long difficult stories, rooted in patterns of mental and emotional struggles, modalities like Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) with Mind/Body Nutrition Support can help you delve into the subconscious mind and uncover the root cause that continues to recreate outdated stories, so you can be free of them, not only in your mind, but released from your precious body as well.

Some final notes

Why does the subconscious mind think it’s ok to prioritize others and people please?When did you acquire the self-sabotage and procrastination autopilot response? 

What happened that caused your mind to believe that healthy love, success, pleasure and/or money was not available to you?

Sounds crazy right?

Yes, it does!

But, I see this all the time in my clients’ sessions. And by exploring why, where and when the beliefs, thought patterns, and conditioning started, we can release the grip of the blocks quite effortlessly, and begin rewriting the narrative of an aligned life that feels fulfilling, expansive and purposeful.

Better yet, we can make it a reality!!

Ultimately, finding balance amidst inner conflict requires a willingness to embrace paradox and take responsibility in the growth journey. My invitation to you is to get in the driver seat and hold space for both the heart's longing for love, connection and belonging, and the mind's drive for protection, safety and achievement, without judgment or resistance.

It's all about being courageous enough to

  • Honor your truth,

  • Listen to your yourself,

  • Understand how the mind works, and

  • Trust that you have everything you need within yourself to navigate life's challenges, with grace and resilience.

So, for the next time your heart says no way, but your mind says I don't care we're gonna do it, gift yourself a moment to pause, breathe, and listen. Be open to discovering the whispers of your soul, and trust that you are exactly where you need to be, deserving of safety and protection on your journey of self-discovery and growth.

If you found this helpful, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

With so much love and grace, always


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